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How do I get my wife to appreciate Lego?

Hi,

My wife doesn't understand my spending habits on Lego.  She has set a budget for my hobby spending (a decent budget but in my view is waaaaaay to little...).  She has a perception that all AFOL's are unmarried, and yeah...you fill out the rest.  So far, the AFOL's I know (California, US) has not proven her wrong.

Can someone please input how you deal with this situation?

Please prove her wrong...

LuLegokiki180703bobabricks
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Comments

  • koshkakoshka UK/SwedenMember Posts: 193
    You need to find the set that will convert her to an AFOL. In my wife's case she got hooked on the 3 in 1 Creator Houses and then progressed to the modulars. I personally thought that the Simpson's House was maybe a step too far but it gives me bargaining room for Big Ben.
    madforLEGOlegomyeggos
  • willobee498willobee498 CanadalandMember Posts: 349
    I took my better half to a Lego convention, filled with faaaantastic MOCs. Seemed to sway her into appreciating it, and even caught her saying 'our' Lego.
    catwrangler
  • LuLegoLuLego UKMember Posts: 916
    Your story sounds soooo familiar!
    ive also been allocated a Lego budget, which sounds like a child with pocket money.
    i find myself hiding sets I bring into the house too.

    my advice: wine.
    when I buy a set in a supermarket, I always pass by the alcohol section. If I've made a particularly expensive purchase (and spent over my monthly allocation) I buy cava or prosecco: these keep her from complaining.

    last week I bought the silver centurion. It was expensive as you all know. What happened? Well the mother in law also had a bottle of cava.
    legomyeggos
  • SprinkleOtterSprinkleOtter Member Posts: 2,731
    ^ So you advise for spending is more spending? ;)
    pharmjodkiki180703koshkaTheBigLegoskilegomyeggosJern92
  • CircleKCircleK U.S. - Columbus, OhioMember Posts: 1,055
    Buy some basic bricks, build a box with a removable lid, put a diamond something or other in it. Give it to her and say... This is to you - From Lego. 
    chuckpcatwranglerFurrysaurussnowhitieRakullegomyeggos
  • LegogramLegogram PA USAMember Posts: 311
    I am the AFOL in our household (the wife), and my husband is my "enabler".  We both have areas of interest that we don't share, but we respect each other's interests.  As long as we can afford something, out of respect for each other, we support that purchase.  What a difference it can make in a relationship!

    Although my husband has no interest in Legos, I offered him an advent set this past Christmas, and he grudgingly accepted it.  He had the time of his life with that set!  He looked forward to opening and assembling his "surprise" each day.  I believe he is looking forward to a new advent set this year. :)  Could that be something your wife might enjoy and help spark her interest in a "hobby" you could share?

    She doesn't have to be interested in Legos, to enjoy the pleasure you receive from them.  Does she have an interest that you support for her?  It does work both ways...or it should.

    Is the problem really the amount of money you are spending, or could it be that she would like you to spend more time with her?  ie budget the money means more time with her


    catwranglerFurrysaurusOldfanTheBigLegoskilegomyeggosBrickDancer
  • AllBrickAllBrick UKMember Posts: 1,404
    Make something romantic.

     I put wings on a white horse and placed the Battle Goddess from S12 CMF on top (her) and popped a guy with glasses wearing a unicorn outfit next to her (me). It's the one thing that has stayed on display for ages. I guess she likes it.

    We are also represented in male and female robot form standing in the kitchen from #42101 , that too has stayed out.

    I think it's the fact that it shows I'm thinking about her even when I'm consumed within my hobby.
    catwranglerlegomyeggos
  • spepperspepper Davie, FLMember Posts: 149
    mr_benn said:

    Enjoy your wife more than you do Lego, that's the trick!
    Truer words have never been spoken.

    It's all about balance. My wife would give away all my lego in a heartbeat. But she realizes it's my hobby, so she lets me be. However if my interest starts to conflict with the time we spend together... then that is a problem.

    In my case, we have a budget for common expenditures (including savings), how we spend the rest it's up to each one's hobbies (otherwise it goes to the savings fund).
    catwranglerOldfanlegomyeggosNatebw
  • 77ncaachamps77ncaachamps Aspiring Time Traveler Stuck in the West (US)Member Posts: 2,439
    Do something for her that she enjoys.

    Just don't give her a diamond ring.

    Made of Lego.
    SumoLegolegomyeggos
  • madforLEGOmadforLEGO Chicagoland USMember Posts: 9,302
    Try this: http://brickset.com/sets/852786-1/Rose
    Otherwise like some others have said, find a common set she would like. Architecture I think think is a good way to get folks into LEGO in general.

  • tamamahmtamamahm Member Posts: 1,941

    Hi,

    My wife doesn't understand my spending habits on Lego.  She has set a budget for my hobby spending (a decent budget but in my view is waaaaaay to little...).  She has a perception that all AFOL's are unmarried, and yeah...you fill out the rest.  So far, the AFOL's I know (California, US) has not proven her wrong.

    Can someone please input how you deal with this situation?

    Please prove her wrong...

    I see two separate questions here.

    a) How do I get my spouse to appreciate Lego? (Which was asked in the heading...) 
    b) How do I convince my wife that we need to spend more of our household income on Lego?
    (The question in the post..)

    The first is about trying to find the right set or theme.

    The second is not necessarily something that should be solved. It is about determining together and prioritizing together the needs of the household. Does upping the Lego budget take away from other important areas? Does it take away from building a good savings? Does she take a play money stipend? I can not say which is the right direction to take, since it really depends on income/budget. The household budget/planning may be able to take an increase for Lego budget or may not. If it can and she doesn't want to, then maybe a conversation about how this hobby is important to you.

    Bumblepantscatwranglerlegomyeggos
  • RidzDesignRidzDesign Member Posts: 30
    I just keep it out of her face... out of the way... and under budget... 
    AllBrickOldfan
  • iliketoastiliketoast AustraliaMember Posts: 255
    Mine likes to help me build the CMFs...
  • TkattTkatt MNMember Posts: 325
    I'm married, my wife doesn't love Lego and I'm ok with that. One thing that helps her be ok with what I spend is when I compare it to other hobbies I might have. Golf for instance, a round of golf may be as much as a Lego set- and it is over in a few hours, Lego sets last forever(?). Hunting, fishing, snowmobiling or fantasy sports(which most of her friends and coworkers significant others are into) can cost just as much and take them out of the house for whole weekends. Once I mentioned how I wanted to restore a classic car. After going into the tools I would need as well as the parts and the car itself Lego is a welcomed alternative. 
    catwranglerlegomyeggosdougtskiki180703
  • ryjayryjay Member Posts: 994
    wait a minute.....she sets your limit, she has you on a budget?????   <- That part I don't understand.
    TheBigLegoski
  • SirBenSirBen In the Hall of the Mountain KingMember Posts: 550
    edited May 2016
    My non-fan-of-Lego wife asked me to find the Mickey and Minnie CMFs for her.
    MaffyDCM4Slegomyeggos
  • Jackad7Jackad7 Wisconsin Member Posts: 486
    You could always swap your significant other for a UCS Millennium falcon significant other who will surely appreciate AFOL's. If im not mistaken @SirKevbags did this.
    legomyeggos
  • DonDon San DiegoMember Posts: 63
    I'd say gently try to see if there is a set she would enjoy building.

    My wife is a serious Dr Who fan (I'm a normal Dr Who fan :-) so I bough her the recent Tardis. She built it and likes it, but it did not ignite a love of Lego for her.

    In hindsight, I wish I had started with a less challenging build (it lots of small pieces and no numbered bags). Might have helped, might not.

    At some point, I will again gently try to get her to try another set, but not too soon - last thing I want her to feel is badgered into liking something!

    The good news is that she sees how much I'm enjoying Lego, and that makes her ok with my purchases for the most part.

    And we do reciprocate - we have Disneyland season passes mainly because of her, so there is a balance.
    catwranglerlegomyeggos
  • MattsWhatMattsWhat Studley, UKMember Posts: 1,643
    If you get your wife into Lego then your budget would get halved. No way that's a good idea.
    bandit778legomentalTheBigLegoskilegomyeggosFollowsCloselySalamalexTyresOFlahertypharmjodkoshka
  • bobabricksbobabricks Vancouver, BC, CanadaMember Posts: 1,836
    I feel like I could see this argument going down...

    "you spent over $2000 on Lego this month"

    "yeah I know but I needed to get Assault on Hoth, I know it's a bad set but it's still a UCS"

    "ya know if you keep buying that stupid stuff we'll be broke"

    "there's a bunch of people out there you spend waaaaaayy more on Lego than I do"

    "and they aren't married, aren't they?"

    "Imma go make a forum post, I'll show you!"
    MaffyDFurrysaurussnowhitieMattsWhatlegomyeggosSumoLegoFollowsCloselyJern92dspigel
  • CCCCCC UKMember Posts: 17,582
    All these posts and no "Good Morning Bilbo" joke yet?
    bendybadgersnowhitiegmonkey76SumoLego
  • workshybumworkshybum UKMember Posts: 64
    edited May 2016
    A while back I bought a load of Mixels and told my wife it was 'Lego Night'. She was sceptical at first, but we sat at the table and built a few models while we chatted over a few glasses of wine. No TV, no smartphones or tablets, just good old fashioned Lego and conversation.

    Even though my wife has a limited interest in Lego, she seemed to genuinely enjoy building the Mixels (they're quick and easy and have some interesting build techniques) and we both enjoyed an evening together without the distractions of technology. Its become a regular (if not particularly often) occurrence and something we both enjoy.

    She may not share my obsession but she respects it, which I think is the key.
    mustang69catwranglerdinogirl1375pharmjod
  • mustang69mustang69 North CarolinaMember Posts: 380
    Up until recently my wife appreciated and respected my love for the hobby. She would indulge me in my focus on the Winter Village collection stuff. A few months ago I was showing her a few photos of some city setups that had the modulars in them and she really liked the way they looked. I was able to talk her into letting us get a couple and when we made the trip to the lego store she saw the ferris wheel and picked it out for herself (she also built it herself). Now were just trying to find the best place in the house to set everything up :)

    So pretty much what others have said, Try to show her why you have a passion for the hobby and she might come around to enjoying it with you.
    catwrangler
  • legomentallegomental UkMember Posts: 309
    edited May 2016
    I think you've asked the million dollar question

    Along with the AFOL who asked how to avoid dust the other week

    My only advice is to try not to let your hobby rule your life. Life is too short to be arguing over lego or the budget thereof. And no matter how badly you 'need' that lego set always try and think of the priorities first (my mother was actually right and there are more important things in life than lego)
    legomyeggosFurrysauruscatwrangler
  • OldfanOldfan Chicagoland, IL, USAMember Posts: 616
    Lots of good advice here, especially about not letting the Lego overrun the house and dominate all the space; my daughter and I keep the Lego in our personal areas and my wife doesn't have to see shelves and boxes all over the house.

    My personal solution to your budgeting dilemma was to set my own Lego budget within the family spending and stick to it like glue.  As a married person, I'm responsible for not only my own finances, but the financial (and otherwise) well-being of my entire family.  I will not jeopordize my family's future just to have more Lego, no matter how much I really want that set today.  If it comes down to it, I'll live with less Lego today to have a solid retirement in the future.

    That said, it's my hobby, and I do spend time and money on that hobby.  My wife is kind enough to recognize this and doesn't harass me about it as long as the above is taken care of.  That attitude is kind of why I love her and asked her to marry me in the first place...
    bandit778FurrysauruscatwranglerSalamalexlegomentalGoldchainsBumblepantspharmjodkiki180703
  • brumeybrumey AustriaMember Posts: 994
    some misb green grocers surely contribute to a pension fund!
  • YodaliciousYodalicious DagobahMember Posts: 1,366
    edited May 2016
    You are the proof that she's wrong. She loves you, right? And she's married to you, right? So all AFOLs are not single, unmarried guys living however she thinks they are. You have a hobby, that's it. It may strike her as odd, but it's your hobby. You don't have to bring her into it and she doesn't have to be a part of it.

    My wife thought it was odd too...at first. Now, she's very respectful to the fact that I have a hobby that I enjoy. I'm not leaving the house for hours on end to go mountain biking or bar hopping or whatever else. Not that those are bad hobbies at all, but she respects and tolerates mine because I can sit next to her on the couch watching TV, movies, whatever while doing it.

    And in the end you don't have to prove her wrong. What do you get out of doing that? Just seems like an argument waiting to happen. Just tell her it's a hobby you enjoy and it makes you happy...just like she makes you happy. There's not much else to it.

    As for the budgeting aspect, it's all relative. Very few of us have unlimited amounts of disposable income. Maybe she just wants to make sure everything else with the budget is in check. Who knows. If she's truly worried about the budget, then just talk to her about it. Again, don't "prove her wrong." Communicate.
    legomyeggoscatwranglernatro220
  • wagnerml2wagnerml2 Belleville, IllinoisMember Posts: 1,376
    My wife is a huge Disneyfile.  She "tolerated" my Lego addiction until the sale of some sets funded a complete 7 day trip to Disney World.  Now she loves Lego.  She doesn't build or collect, but she knows that there is retained value in the purchases and doesn't mind.
    catwrangler
  • legomyeggoslegomyeggos Member Posts: 36
    I feel like I could see this argument going down...

    "you spent over $2000 on Lego this month"

    "yeah I know but I needed to get Assault on Hoth, I know it's a bad set but it's still a UCS"

    "ya know if you keep buying that stupid stuff we'll be broke"

    "there's a bunch of people out there you spend waaaaaayy more on Lego than I do"

    "and they aren't married, aren't they?"

    "Imma go make a forum post, I'll show you!"

    lol...down to the wire...
    bobabricks
  • ChrisJThunderChrisJThunder United StatesMember Posts: 115
    Ah, my friend, this kind of problem requires us to understand the mind of a woman. I think there's a better chance of Assault On Hoth winning a Brickset Award for "Best Set In History Ever" than accomplishing such an end :P

    But in all seriousness, maybe the question is less of "how do I get my wife to appreciate Lego?" and more of "how do I get my wife to understand my appreciation for Lego?" For instance, my parents never appreciated Lego the way I did as a TFOL and certainly not as an AFOL. But they could appreciate that my interest in Lego had more positives than negatives and thus they did not care too much if I bought a set here and there.

    To go more general, people get uncomfortable if they're around other people who incessantly focus on one thing. Your wife may not appreciate Lego if it's appreciated in a vacuum. Perhaps to score some points, you could make an effort to engage in her interests and appreciations.

    As she sees that you are willing to budget money on her interests in a sincere attempt to understand her interests, she may apply the same logic to understanding your interests of Lego. Perhaps, at this rate, she may engage in Lego.

    They say marriage is about compromise, but I've got no experience in marriage whatsoever so I'm not gonna even try to make an analogy there to being a Lego fan :P But I think there's still something to be said about understanding other people's interests in any kind of relationship or friendship.
  • legomyeggoslegomyeggos Member Posts: 36

    hey everyone,

    Appreciate all the comments and suggestions!

    My wife does understand my passion for Lego...respects it to the point where she'll help me feel out CMFs in the Lego aisle...but...when it comes to appreciating Lego...she rather see the funds used (necessity only) or saved (sitting in a bank account)...

    I guess I was just trying to see who else is struggling with a nagging wife (with a negative impression of AFOL) besides myself...but looking at all these responses...it seems like everyone's spouse either accepts it or joins in...

    I'll work on her accepting this...while staying in line with budgets (cause I'm forced too)...

    HAPPY WIFE HAPPY LIFE...

    Thanks everyone!

  • legomyeggoslegomyeggos Member Posts: 36
    btw...I'm 3/4 through spending my budget and I have 7 more months to go...
  • moolermooler MI, USAMember Posts: 29
    edited May 2016
    i guess im lucky. Lego has helped me overcome some serious anxiety, so my wife is on board. in fact, our 3rd anniversary is tomorrow and im fairly certain that i am getting #10220 VW Camper Van as a gift!
  • YodaliciousYodalicious DagobahMember Posts: 1,366
    They say "happy wife, happy life," but I like to edit it to include the husband side of the coin as well...Happy Spouse, Happy House.
    catwranglerSumoLegoricecakeGoldchainsTufted_duckpharmjodLostInTranslationdougts
  • catwranglercatwrangler Northern IrelandMember Posts: 1,732

    hey everyone,

    Appreciate all the comments and suggestions!

    My wife does understand my passion for Lego...respects it to the point where she'll help me feel out CMFs in the Lego aisle...but...when it comes to appreciating Lego...she rather see the funds used (necessity only) or saved (sitting in a bank account)...

    I guess I was just trying to see who else is struggling with a nagging wife (with a negative impression of AFOL) besides myself...but looking at all these responses...it seems like everyone's spouse either accepts it or joins in...

    I'll work on her accepting this...while staying in line with budgets (cause I'm forced too)...

    HAPPY WIFE HAPPY LIFE...

    Thanks everyone!

    It might be that at root it's more a problem of differing philosophies about money and how it's spent and how it affects a relationship - from the way you describe it, I feel like you might be in the same boat if you were spending the money on videogames or golf or some other hobby.

    If she's uneasy about spending on non-essentials, she's as likely to have her reasons for that as you are to have your reasons for feeling it's a worthwhile part of life. Our perceptions of financial risk and reward are really pretty fundamental, which doesn't mean they can't be changed, but there might need to be some give and take on both sides.

    You mention that you're 3/4 through your Lego budget, though we're not yet halfway through the year - is the underlying problem that she's worried about what happens if your budget ends before the year does, i.e. whether it will become a debate over expanding your budget if that happens? 
    MattDawsonAndorSumoLegoTufted_duckpharmjod
  • DonDon San DiegoMember Posts: 63

    I guess I was just trying to see who else is struggling with a nagging wife (with a negative impression of AFOL) besides myself...but looking at all these responses...it seems like everyone's spouse either accepts it or joins in...

    Don't forget that there may be some section bias in this poll. The AFOLs whose spouses  are vehemently anti-Lego may very well have abandoned the hobby, or pursue it at a very reduced level. In both those cases I can see them not being very active in these forums. (Sure, some will be here to live vicariously, but it might be too painful or tempting for most.)

    Don't want you to conclude that your wife is in the extreme camp when she may be closer to neutral when measured on the true full scale.  :-)
  • SumoLegoSumoLego New YorkMember Posts: 11,778
    They say "happy wife, happy life," but I like to edit it to include the husband side of the coin as well...Happy Spouse, Happy House.
    I think the glib Henny Youngman response is:

    Happy Husband, Of Course He's Happy - He's Lucky She Said Yes.
    tallblocktooGoldchainsMattDawsonFurrysaurus
  • tallblocktootallblocktoo CanadaMember Posts: 495
    I'm not really in any position to pitch my two cents as I don't need to deal with anyone else in regards to my Lego spending.  However I think I would be happy to comply within reason.  There are many other things to be enjoyed including a secure retirement so I think as probably stated previously probably takes some discussion and compromise.  
    Goldchains
  • MattDawsonMattDawson Solihull, UKMember Posts: 1,202
    I think it's a interesting point raised. 

    I think it's best to discuss it with your wife, and either discuss the cost issue, or otherwise try to encourage her to join in. I know many modellers who have wives who don't like the hobby overtly but will help with scenery for example.
  • MaffyDMaffyD West YorkshireMember Posts: 2,470
    They say "happy wife, happy life," but I like to edit it to include the husband side of the coin as well...Happy Spouse, Happy House.


    I agree completely with this sentiment, but spouse does not rhyme with house. Something about the 's' sound at the end...

    At least, the way I pronounce it anyway!

  • YodaliciousYodalicious DagobahMember Posts: 1,366
    ^ The way they're pronounced on my side of that vast ocean (c'mon people, it's much bigger than a pond), they most definitely rhyme. 
    Oldfantallblocktoo
  • plasmodiumplasmodium UKMember Posts: 1,936
    MaffyD said:
    They say "happy wife, happy life," but I like to edit it to include the husband side of the coin as well...Happy Spouse, Happy House.


    I agree completely with this sentiment, but spouse does not rhyme with house. Something about the 's' sound at the end...

    At least, the way I pronounce it anyway!

    I'm trying out a Yorkshire accent in my mind and I still can't see how they don't rhyme!
    LostInTranslation
  • PeteMPeteM Gallifrey (near Bristol)Member Posts: 398
    MaffyD said:
    They say "happy wife, happy life," but I like to edit it to include the husband side of the coin as well...Happy Spouse, Happy House.


    I agree completely with this sentiment, but spouse does not rhyme with house. Something about the 's' sound at the end...

    At least, the way I pronounce it anyway!

    I'm trying out a Yorkshire accent in my mind and I still can't see how they don't rhyme!
    Some people pronounce spouse as "spouze" which might be it? I've just spent five minutes trying to put together something which rhymes with 'partner', but to no avail....!
    MaffyD
  • LobotLobot UKMember Posts: 933

    Simple answer #31021 - Furry Creatures

    http://brickset.com/sets/31021-1/Furry-Creatures

    For a very reasonable outlay of £17.99 it's a great way of introducing your other-half into the world of plastic bricks.  I don't think there's a nicer, or cuter, set in existence!

  • MaffyDMaffyD West YorkshireMember Posts: 2,470
    MaffyD said:
    They say "happy wife, happy life," but I like to edit it to include the husband side of the coin as well...Happy Spouse, Happy House.


    I agree completely with this sentiment, but spouse does not rhyme with house. Something about the 's' sound at the end...

    At least, the way I pronounce it anyway!

    I'm trying out a Yorkshire accent in my mind and I still can't see how they don't rhyme!

    Be careful with that accent, it can stick! I think @PeteM is right about the z thing... Not sure it has anything to do with Yorkshire though!
  • nexandernexander Glasgow Member Posts: 877
       I don't think there's a nicer, or cuter, set in existence!
    #30144 :) depends if you are a dog or cat person though
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